Let's Talk about addiction

The disease of addiction is invasive, ravaging a person’s mind, body and spirituality while inflicting his/her loved ones as it progresses. There are many ways in which addiction emerges, advances and is diagnosed.  We need to remember that it is a deadly but treatable disease with many pathways to recovery.  Unfortunately it is also unnecessarily complicated by misunderstanding, stigma and shame.  The Mama Paca children’s book series takes on the complexity of the disease to open lines of communication through common language, promote coping skills and, most importantly, offer hope.  Introducing this book to children to talk about the disease of addiction can be challenging.   Here are a few suggestions to support you in approaching the topic: 

• Talk about substance use early and often.  As children’s brains develop, so does their understanding of the world around them.  Early conversations may not feel entirely effective. You’re correct in thinking they aren’t grasping it fully, or even partially, but be assured you’re laying the foundation with words and concepts for future conversations.  It opens the door for children to approach you.  You may be surprised by what other kids might be saying to them at camp or school, what they’re overhearing from adults or the subtle messages they're receiving from TV and the world around them. 
• Use words that are understandable by keeping language age-appropriate, when possible.  It is worth acknowledging that I introduce terms in the Mama Paca series that are advanced for the intended age group.  This is done with a great deal of thought and consideration.  The rationale is that words can be hurtful.  I want to promote non-stigmatizing medical terms to talk about the disease of addiction at an early age.  They may not understand the word but it’s building a foundation. The level of detail you provide depends on their age and maturity. Be as direct, honest and simply as possible—and always finish with a message of hope.
• Set the stage for the conversation.  Choose a quiet location when you have time to devote to a discussion.  Turn off your phone and give the child your full attention.  
• Choose the right person to start this conversation. Consider taking inventory of where you are in your grieving process.  It is normal to experience intense emotions - anger, frustration, overwhelmed, deep sadness, hopelessness, guilt, and shame.  Life can be messy.  This is a complicated grief.  You have stepped in to care for this young child.  You don’t need to be everything to him/her.  Know your limits, take care of yourself, and ask for help.  Is there another family member, friend, or therapist who can read the book with the child? 
• Find out every question a child has. This conversation isn’t a one and done.  It will be an on-going discussion over time as the child develops and processes the loss of a parent and all the associated emotions, implications and challenges.

Themes highlighted in the Mama Paca series to reinforce when talking with children:

• You’re not alone.  Children feel different than their peers.  There are other children who are living with the loss of a parent and all the feelings that go along with such a loss. 
• It’s ok to express emotion to and around children.   It’s actually very important for children to see adults grieving and expressing emotion.  This gives them permission to do the same.   
• It’s ok to talk.  Addiction is a taboo subject.  It’s important to talk about it openly and honestly using age appropriate terms and concepts.  You do not, and should not, feel like you need to cover the subject in just one talk.  Take it slow.  As children age and develop, their ability to understand changes.  Continue to revisit this topic and be open to questions. 
• It’s not your fault.  Children often feel responsible for their parent’s addiction and even their death.  If they had been better behaved.  If they had cleaned their room.  They often don’t verbalize their guilt so please be sure to provide the message that it is not their fault. 
• Speak of the loved one often. Celebrate their lives and accomplishments.  Let them know that the loved one fought courageously against the disease of addiction, just as people do with other diseases, like cancer and diabetes. 
• You are loved. Reassure them that their parent loved them.  Also, remind them that you love them and are there to support them.
• Addiction is a disease.  Addiction is a chronic, complex disease of the brain and body.  It is progressive, resembling the disease process of cancer or diabetes.  Like other diseases, treatments involving education, lifestyle changes, medication and long-term monitoring and management are available. 

 In closing, please do not underestimate the impact you have on a child’s life. The honesty, trust, and security you offer through this conversation provides stability and a safe space for healing.   You are his/her rock and life line. Thank you for everything you are doing!